"He was so crooked you could use him to pull corks with..." "He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes..." Communists do it without class. Don't Knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam. He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason. If you listen to fools the Mob Rules! (R.J. Dio) Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official. Vote anarchist What orators lack in depth they make up in length. Vote early, and vote often. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. -Anon "What does an actor know about politics?" -Ronald Reagan, criticizing Ed Asner "The American people is very supportive of me" -George W. Bush "Who will the Anti-Christ be? I don't know... Of course, he'll be Jewish." -Jerry Falwell "I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-rascism." -George Bush "I will never apologize for U.S.A. - I don't care what the facts are." -George Bush "Boy, they were big on crematoriums, weren't they?" -George Bush, touring Auschwitz "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between mother and child." -Dan Quayle "I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." -Ronald Reagan "What's wrong with saying that when school's out, you can hire kids as young as 12 or 13?" -Newt Gingrich "[The question] is too suppository." -Alexander Haig "Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands." -Jesse Helms "Facts are stupid things." -Ronald Reagan "There ought to be limits to freedom." -George W. Bush "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -Dan Quayle "The Internet is a great way to get on the 'Net." -Bob Dole "The state of California has no business subsidizing intellectual curiosity." -Ronald Reagan "I want to make sure everybody who has a job, wants a job." -George Bush "The little people have needs." -Senator (R) Al D'Amato "I'm for Mr. Reagan - blindly." -George Bush "I stand by all the misstatements." -Dan Quayle "General. I can't name the general. General." -George W. Bush, when asked to name Pakistan's president "All the waste in a year from a nuclear powerplant can be stored under a desk." -Ronald Reagan "We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square." -Senator (R) S.I. Hayakawa "I want a government that does nothing." -Senator (R) Michael Huffington "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in the air and water that are doing it." -Dan Quayle "The question we have to ask is: Is our children learning?" -George W. Bush "Eat less." -Senator (R) Robert A. Taft on how to save money "Sexual harassment on the job is not a problem for virtuous women" -Phyllis Shlafly (R) "A tree is a tree. How many more do you need to look at?" -Ronald Reagan "Trees cause more pollution than automobiles." -Ronald Reagan "What was Watergate? A little bugging!" -Richard Nixon "Outside of the killings, Washington D.C has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -Mayor Marion Barry "If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drilling rights on George Bush's head." -Jim Hightower "I stay out of their way at Kmart." -Mayor Willie Brown, on how he helped the poor "By comparison, it makes 'Rosemary's baby' look like a dream child." -Senator (D) J. Exon on Republican budget proposals Just say the word "politician" and I think of chicanery. -Lucille Ball Politics is a blood sport. -Aneurin Bevan Politics is the conduct of public affairs for private advantage. -Ambrose Bierce Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated. -G. K. Chesterton Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you want to hear. -Alan Coren Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did. -Jimmy Durante When a politician changes his position it's sometimes hard to tell whether he has seen the light or felt the heat. -Robert Fuoss Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. -John Kenneth Galbraith Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. -John Kenneth Galbraith I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. -Charles de Gaulle A Conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run. -Elbert Hubbard Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. -Kin Hubbard Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there is no river. -Nikita Krushchev The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. -Alphonse de Lamartine Elections are held to delude the populace into believing that they are participating in government. -Gerald Lieberman Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. -George Jean Nathan It is no wonder that politicians are hard-boiled. They're always in hot water. -New Orleans Times Socialism is only workable in heaven, where it isn't needed, and in hell, where they've got it. -Cecil Palmer Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent. -Boies Penrose One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. -Plato With Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law, and every time they make a law, it's a joke. -Will Rogers A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. -Franklin D. Roosevelt A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now. -Mort Sahl Politics is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock. -Anonymous War is the science of destruction. -John Abbott There are no warlike peoples- just warlike leaders. -Ralph Bunche There was never a good war nor a bad peace. -Benjamin Franklin Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. -Groucho Marx Better to live in peace than to begin war and lie dead. -Chief Joseph This will never be a civilized country until we spend more money on books than we do on chewing gum. -Elbert Hubbard "You don't need to be smart to be president" -George W. Bush "Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?" -George W. Bush "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush "I think we agree, the past is over." -George W. Bush "Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometime until we get an objective analysis." -George W. Bush "I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California." -George W. Bush "I understand small business growth. I was one." -George W. Bush "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." -George W. Bush "Keep good relations with the Grecians." -George W. Bush "I would have said yes to abortion if only it was right. I mean, yeah it's right. Well no it's not right that's why I said no to it." -George W. Bush "My [tax cut] plan is realistic because it avoids meaningless 15-year projections." -George W. Bush "The fundamental question is: 'Will I be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' I will be, but until I'm the president, it's going to be hard for me to verify that I think I'll be more effective." -George W. Bush "Down in Washington they're playing with Social Security like it's some kind of government program!" -George W. Bush "The reason we start a war is to fight a war, win a war, thereby causing no more war!" -George W. Bush "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet. -George W. Bush "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" -George W. Bush "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier...just as long as I'm the dictator..." -George W. Bush "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." -George W. Bush "There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.'" -George W. Bush "I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question" -George W. Bush "You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -George W. Bush "Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." -George W. Bush "I am mindful of the difference between the executive branch and the legislative branch. I assured all four of these leaders that I know the difference, and that difference is they pass the laws and I execute them." -George W. Bush "Dick Cheney and I do not want this nation to be in a recession. We want anybody who can find work to be able to find work." -George W. Bush "The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law." -George W. Bush "They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." -George W. Bush "Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative ads." -George W. Bush "We need to stop the exquisite sex and wholesome violence that underscore our children" -George W. Bush "Nigeria is an important continent" -George W. Bush "If you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness." -George W. Bush "This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot." -George W. Bush "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas" -George W. Bush "They [farmers] will be in the forethought of our thinking thoughts." -George W. Bush "I think there is some methodology in my travels." -George W. Bush "I'm also honored to be here with the speaker of the House-just happens to be from the state of Illinois. I'd like to describe the speaker as a trustworthy man. He's the kind of fellow who says when he gives you his word he means it. Sometimes that doesn't happen all the time in the political process." -George W. Bush "I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state." -George W. Bush "Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment." -George W. Bush "The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." -George W. Bush "I want it to be said that the Bush administration was a results-oriented administration, because I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be: a literate country and a hopefuller country." -George W. Bush "Let me put it to you this way, I am not a revengeful person." -George W. Bush "As far as the legal hassling and wrangling and posturing in Florida, I would suggest you talk to our team in Florida led by Jim Baker." -George W. Bush "Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it." -George W. Bush "I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun." -George W. Bush "I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children." -George W. Bush "I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans." -George W. Bush "A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness." -George W. Bush "I regret that a private comment I made to the vice presidential candidate made it through the public airways." -George W. Bush "As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards." -George W. Bush "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness." -George W. Bush "This campaign not only hears the voices of the entrepreneurs and the farmers and the entrepreneurs, we hear the voices of those struggling to get ahead." -George W. Bush "We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile." -George W. Bush "I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together." -George W. Bush "Reading is the basics for all learning." -George W. Bush The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. The revolution will not be televised. "You can bomb the world to pieces, but you can't bomb it into peace." -Michael Franti Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative -John Stuart Mill Ignorance is no excuse for the law. Eat tainted meat, Breathe poisoned air, Drink nasty water, Help only yourself: Vote Republican. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. -Josef Stalin "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -Benjamin Franklin Killing one person is murder - killing 100,000 is foreign policy "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968) "If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." -George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." -Plato (427-347 B.C.) "...and good people will find ways around the bad laws." -Kelly's addendum "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." -Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), Inaugural Address, January 20, 1953 "University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small." -Henry Kissinger (1923-) "The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." -General George Patton (1885-1945) "I am become death, shatterer of worlds." -Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion) "Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives." -Abba Eban (1915-2002) "In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take." -Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965) "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797) "Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity." -Irving Kristol "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." -Former French President Charlie De Gaulle "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." -A Congressional Candidate in Texas "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." -General William Westmoreland "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -Dan Quayle "The French don't have a word for entrepreneur." -George W. Bush "There is a far simpler way [than war] to bring Saddam Hussein and Iraq to its knees- Just send the Bush economic team over there to run the country." -Senator (D - MA) John Kerry Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. "Is nothing private?" -Ken Starr, commenting on the press publicizing that he'd like to have dinner with President and Senator Clinton. (Starr produced the landmark muckraking "Starr Report" investigating Bill Clinton's private life) Definition of democracy: Two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner. "Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance." -Bill Maher "The Washington mentality works on two tracks: 'Here's what we're going to do; here's what we're going to sell them.'" -Bill Maher "I'll give George W. Bush credit on this- He's working a lot harder than he thought he'd have to." -Bill Maher "The government tells you things like 'drugs fund terrorism.' Because what better way to get the heat off the oil companies?" -Bill Maher "The true axis of evil in America is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people." -Bill Maher "When a politician says 'I have nothing to hide' it usually means that he has already hidden everything." -David Frost Somebody needs to tell the Bush administration that the song "This land is your land, this land is my land" does NOT refer to all oil-producing countries. "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." -Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. "'Compassionate conservative?' I don't know what that is. It sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack." -Robin Williams For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. Power Corrupts, Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely, Leaving one person (or group) in charge is absolutely corrupt. "If you ask me, the best that can be said for Ronald Reagan is that, if George W. Bush gets re-elected, we may yet end up missing him." -Tom Carson, The Villiage Voice 6/7/04 The U.S. constitution isn't perfect, but it's better than what we have now. Diplomacy is the art of being able to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they'll look forward to the trip. "...Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country." -Hermann Goering "Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship." -Hermann Goering Seen on a bumpersticker in Hawaii: "Make Love not War; Lick Bush in '04" "Whoever would overthrow the liberty of the nation, must begin by subduing the freedom of speech..." -- Cato Letters "Politicians beg the public to turn their eyes to Heaven -- in the hope they then won't notice the long arm of privilege reaching into their wallets." - Bill Moyers Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. --Seneca Yes, our troops deserve our support. However, their LEADERS are corrupt, self-serving zealots with hidden agendas, and should be tried for treason. "Flying planes into buildings was a faith-based initiative." -Bill Maher The act of censorship is always worse than whatever is being censored. Always. "He's like one of those abusive husbands who shows up with flowers after beating the hell out of his wife for ten years." -Joy Behar, on George W. Bush appropriating money for victims of hurricane Katrina Bush claims that "Democracy respects the rights and religions of all peoples," yet he pushes legislation in the U.S. which is clearly evangelistically Christian and disdains anything non-Christian. Hypocrisy begins at home... "...Beacause there is nothing you can say to a real conservative to convince him that abortion should ever be acceptable other than 'Your daughter's pregnant, and the father's black'" -Bill Maher Democrats are sexy. Whoever heard of a great "Piece of Elephant?" Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. YOU DON'T.