"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -Raoul Duke
A clean, neat, and orderly work place is a sure sign of a sick mind.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Do not drink coffee in early A.M.   It will keep you awake until noon.
Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't try to have the last word.  You might get it.
Draw your salary before spending it.
Every purchase has its price.
I like work;  it fascinates me;  I can sit and look at it for hours.
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
Inside every big problem is a small problem trying to get out.
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
Money is truthful.  If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one.
Never call a man a fool;  borrow from him.
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
People will buy anything that's "only one per customer."
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
Remember, even if you win the rat race - you're still a rat.
Reputation:  what others are not thinking about you.
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
Take two aspirin and call the consultant.
The attacker must vanquish, the defender need only survive.
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
Travel important today;  Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
The two rules for success in business are: 1. Never tell them everything you know.
Beat the five o'clock rush; leave work at noon.
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three workers, two of them absent.
There is a limit to how much work can be done before the last minute.
Influence is like a savings account.  The less you use it, the more you've got. -Andrew Young
Opportunity may knock more than once, but you still have to open the door.
"I don't want any 'yes-men' around me.  I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs." -Samuel Goldwyn
The person who knows "how" will always have a job. The person who knows "why" will always be his boss.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
"There are two educations. One should teach us how to make a living and the other how to live." -John Adams
"At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can be done, then they begin to hope it can be done, then they see it can be done--then it is done and all the world wonders why it was not done centuries ago." -Frances Hodgson Burnett
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Recent investments will yield a high yield, long term return.
It's safer to skate on thin ice than it is to walk on water.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." -Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) 
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." -George Burns (1896-1996)
"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." -George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." -J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)
"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship." -John D. Rockefeller (1874-1960)
"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down." -Jimmy Durante
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." -Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." -Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), Inaugural Address, January 20, 1953
"Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working." -Albert Giacometti (sculptor)
"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street." -Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." -Henry Ford (1863-1947)
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it" -Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"Luck is the residue of design." -Branch Rickey - former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team
"The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows." -Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975) 
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." -Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) 
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation." -H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
"No one can earn a million dollars honestly." -William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) 
"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating." -Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) 
"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater." -Gail Godwin 
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime." -Honore de Balzac (1799-1850) 
"Hell is a half-filled auditorium." -Robert Frost (1874-1963)
"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man." -Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell 
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." -Robert Orben 
"Opportunities multiply as they are seized." -Sun Tzu 
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." -Alan Kay 
"Never mistake motion for action." -Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) 
"Well done is better than well said." -Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) 
"Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century." -Perelman 
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) 
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943 
"The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy." -Von Clausewitz (1780-1831) 
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -Bill Gates (1955-), in 1981 
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible." -A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) 
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899 
"A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood." -General George S. Patton (1885-1945) 
"I criticize by creation - not by finding fault." -Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
"My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate." -Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." -Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"Bravery untempered by control can be a recipe for suicide."
If you always do what you've always done, then you will always get what you've always got.