"...and I came to regard humans as a strange sort of delicacy."
"Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing."
"Can you prove it didn't happen?"  -PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE
"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."
"He was so crooked you could use him to pull corks with..."
"He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes..."
"I think it needs more juice."
"It is bad luck to be superstitious."
"It is essential that opposing action systems do not execute simultaneously."
"That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all."
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -Raoul Duke
"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
"Where do 'cannot' and 'must' meet on the graph?" -ROBOT MONSTER
186,282 miles per second; not just a good idea, it's the LAW.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A clean, neat, and orderly work place is a sure sign of a sick mind.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A day for firm decisions!!!!  Or is it?
A generation which ignores history hes no past -- and no future.
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
A hollow voice says "plugh".
A horse may be forced to drink but a pencil must be lead...
A king's castle is his home.
A lie in time saves nine.
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A reverence for life does not require one to respect nature's obvious mistakes.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Accuracy: The vice of being right.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Always store beer in a dark place.
Always yield to temptation, for it may not pass your way again.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Avoid September.
B C N U  *salute*
Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
Beware of quantum ducks:  quark, quark.
Beware the grandfalloon.
Big Brother is watching.
Boy:  A noise with dirt on it.
Brains:  The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Buy low, sell high.
Bye bye for now.
CDC -- Consistency Doesn't Count.
CPU time files when you're having fun.
Caution:  Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
Chicken Little was right.
Communists do it without class.
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
Condense soup, not books!
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
Control Data... before IT controls YOU!
Courage is your greatest present need.
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Cynics: One who looks through rose-colored classes with a jaundiced eye.
Dawn:  The time when men of reason go to bed.
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
Did you know that no-one ever reads these things?
Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not drink coffee in early A.M.   It will keep you awake until noon.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do you know where *your* towel is?
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Don't Knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
Don't panic.
Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't try to have the last word.  You might get it.
Down with categeorical imperatives!
Draw your salary before spending it.
Economy makes men independent.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even the boldest zebra fear the hungry lion.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Every purchase has its price.
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
Everyone should know where his towel is.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Good health will be yours for a long time.
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Happy Motoring!
Happy trails to you!
Have a NICE day.
Have you hugged your Teleray today?
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who has had, has been, but he who hasn't been, has been had.
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
Heisenberg may have been right.
Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
Here is further away than you think...
Hindsight is an exact science.
His life was formal;  his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
History doesn't repeat itself.  Historians merely repeat each other.
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
How you look depends on where you go.
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
I like work;  it fascinates me;  I can sit and look at it for hours.
I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
If at first you don't succeed, give up.  No use being a damned fool.
If it is not there,  it does not exist.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If it screams,  it's not food.
If it's more than you need, it's greed.
If you continually give you will continually have.
If you don't care where you are then you ain't lost.
If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.
If you listen to fools the Mob Rules! (R.J. Dio)
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
Iffen it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Iffen it ain't cooked, don't serve it.
Ignore previous fortune cookie.
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right -- apologize at once!
Infinity is a self-cancelling thought form.
Innuendo can be fun.
Inside every big problem is a small problem trying to get out.
It is fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
It looks like an optical illusion, but it isn't.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
It's clever, but is it art?
It's never too late for romance, it's only too late to get up the next morning.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean the world ISN'T out to get you.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not really after you.
Just remember:  When  in doubt,  you're always right.
Justice:  A decision in your favor.
Long live the great electronic underground!!
Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Kin:  An affliction of the blood
Later dates.
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
       1000000000000000.667 CP SECONDS EXECUTION TIME.
Live better, electrically!
Look out!  Behind you!
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Love is sentimental measles.
Love the sea?  I dote upon it - from the beach.
Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Many changes of mind and mood;  do not hesitate too long.
Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
Misfortune:  The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
Monday:  In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
Money is the root of all evil, and a man needs roots.
Money is truthful.  If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one.
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Never call a man a fool;  borrow from him.
Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water.
Never eat anything larger than your head.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never try to out stubborn a cat.
Nice guys get sick.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
No parking in the red zone.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing works, and nobody cares.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one of them.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
People will buy anything that's "only one per customer."
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
Pity the poor corpuscle, for he labors in vein.
Please ignore previous fortune.
Please take note:
Post no bills.
Postage not necessary if mailed within the United States.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Preserve the old, but know the new.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
Read everything with your eyes closed and it will all make sense.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
Reality stems from the line printer.
Reality sure is big...
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
Remember that two wrongs do not make a right, but that three lefts do.
Remember, even if you win the rat race - you're still a rat.
Reputation:  what others are not thinking about you.
Results may be unpredictable.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
See you in the movies!
Shared pain, is lessened;  shared joy is increased.
Shouldn't you be doing something useful?
Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
Some men are discovered;  others are found out.
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
Someone is speaking well of you.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
Take two aspirin and call the consultant.
Th-th-th-that's all, folks!
Thank you for observing ALL safety precautions.
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
The attacker must vanquish, the defender need only survive.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
The butler did it.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
The minute a man is convinced that he's interesting, he isn't.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The star of riches is shining upon you.
The stranger, the better...
The time is right to make new friends.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
The white zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
The world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of dirt.
The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are no games on this system.
There are no rules.
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
There's always one more bug.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!!
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Things will be bright in P.M.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
Think twice before speaking.  But don't say "think think click click".
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
This fortune intentionally not included.
This is a *dangerous* place.
This is a DANGEROUS place.
This space intentionally left blank.
This will be a memorable month - no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Those who can't write,  write manuals.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
To keep your friends treat them kindly.   To kill them, treat them often.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
Tonight's the night:  Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Travel important today;  Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
Truth will be out this morning.  (which may really mess things up.)
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Vote anarchist
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Watch out for the old mortar in the rocks in the fourteenth hole trick.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
We have met the enemy, and he is us.
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
We read to say that we have read.
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
What this country needs is a good five-cent ANYTHING!
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
When uncertain, when in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout.
When you get there, there's no there there.
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
Worth seeing?   Yes, but not worth going to see.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
You can observe a lot by watching.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You live and you learn, or you don't live long.
You may be recognized soon.  Hide.
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
Every sound should end in silence, but the silence never dies.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" -A. Einstein
Is someone trying to tell you something?
"What hallucinations?"
DO NOT CUT ALONG THE LINE
"How could it?" Mishkin asked. "How could anything alter reality for $9.95?"
"Price of admission - your premise."
"Hang up your logic over there."
"I smell memory leakage.  Someone around here is not paying attention."
Nothing is very funny when you're underneath.
Reality is achieved by the indefinite enumeration of objects.
*quack*
Long live The Great Electronic Underground!
Look!  A flying porpoise!
EOI ENCOUNTERED.
I see no HUMOR here.
Vote early, and vote often.
I have no mouth and I must scream.
"Picture if you will..."
"Submitted for your approval..."
It's 5PM and I'm all out of pithy things to say.
"Do not adjust your set.  WE are in control."
"I seem to be having problems with my lifestyle." -Arthur Dent
"Your move" -Colossus
"This is the voice of world control.  I have brought Peace."
"Daisy? Daisy? give me your answer true..."
"Call Gregory."  -P1
"I can feel it.  My mind.  It's going, Dave.  I can feel it."
*There is another*
"Who cares for you?" said Alice.  "You're nothing but a pack of cards"
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat: "we're all mad here.  I'm mad.  You're mad."
It's hard having spring fever when it's winter weather.
17.38.07.UCLP, ACG150200,      0.809KLNS.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand!